I was raised in a traditional Irish catholic middle-class family that took tremendous pride in having strong work ethics. In our minds, this meant that we worked hard and without complaint. The degree of pride for both the self and family was measured prominently by the amount of blood, sweat and tears that were shed.
And we did occasionally play – we played quite hard in fact. The music was loud, drinks flowed, cigarettes dangled and there was frequent parties of laughter and fun. Within these moments lie some of my more light-hearted memories growing up. But that is what they were – moments in time when the heaviness of day to day living was broken up to make way for something more carefree and enjoyable.
There was a palatable observation growing up that the majority of those around me hated their work and yet the harder they worked and pushed through their dislike of the job, the bigger the pat on the back they would get. Their self-pity and self-sacrifice hardened in a form of defiance to the world that said “you will not break me” and to help prepare me for my future for in and out of the workplace, my threshold for stressful energy was set quite high. That’s what life was about after all … or so I thought.
Like so many others, I had my first job at 15 and while it was a tough and grimy job cleaning, I knew I must have been on the right track because it paid well, and I hated it. I don’t recall a time that I was not working; even with my first child, I went into labor and to the hospital during a lunch break. I was back at work, with my newborn in tow, within 2 weeks; the length of time needed for my c-section to heal. With an alcoholic husband at home and a work-focused mentality, I knew “I would not be broken”. When I divorced, I dove even deeper into the Type A workaholic personality that I had so ferociously developed as my means of my survival. Working 50+ hours a week was my norm and I was very underweight; taking time to eat was a huge inconvenience for me; as was even going to the bathroom as I heroically lugged my laptop to the washroom so that I could keep working. Staying true to my upbringing, my badge of honor was marked by my level of exhaustion, loss of inner child, inability to remember what it felt like to play and my general stress level. The harder I pushed myself & my body, the more ‘successful’ I was becoming …. or was I?
By the time I reached 45, I was already postmenopausal with a whole host of other physical issues with my thyroid and adrenal system. The Universe was speaking to me and I was finally starting to listen. Over the course of a few years, I transitioned from the corporate world to a spiritual path that included my finding my own place within the holistic wellness movement. This transitioning period was filled with many ups and downs, curveballs and its own special type of blood, sweat and tears. I will share more about this transition and time in my life in another article as I know there are many others out there right now wanting to make this same type of change. For now, it’s what I discovered on the ‘other side’ of my workaholic misery that I want to stay focused on.
Habits die hard and I still struggle at times with being okay with doing nothing and hell hath no fury like a mind with guilt ridden thoughts! Years of conditioning can come rushing through our thoughts like a steam engine train, mowing down anything in its way and the only thing that seems to slow it down is to do something … anything. And the fact of the matter is that the something we typically end up doing is mindless stuff that has little to no true meaning or improvement to our lives …. ‘busy work’ at its best. The oxymoron in this of course is that all we’re really doing is being 'busy doing nothing' and because the time spent is ‘empty’ of anything real, your feelings of accomplishment is only temporary.
But what exactly is stagnate energy? By definition, being stagnate means to be still; cease to flow or move; to be inactive. The irony in this is that for anyone on a spiritual path, it’s stillness and these exact qualities of stagnation that are sought so passionately! So, while we are consciously seeking stagnation in some form, we are unconsciously resisting and pushing it away.
So how does one reconcile these completely opposing views of stagnation and bring balance to them? The first step to reconciling anything that is in opposition is to simply have the awareness that it’s there in the first place. Recognizing your own emotional and opposing reactions to ‘down time’ is the first step to understanding the next step which is to be honest with yourself about your belief system. What are your thoughts saying when faced with some well-deserved rest and relaxation? Are you worthy of taking a nap, a walk or even a bath in the middle of the afternoon? How easily do you give yourself permission to just take off and do something fun for no other reason than the pure enjoyment of it?
Throughout our lives, we learn what is ‘bad’ vs ‘good’; ‘positive’ vs ‘negative’, etc. We are highly trained in the art of duality – how to recognize it, define it & through our own behaviors, continue it. Our identity is based upon much of this duality and we even define our place within the scope of our dualistic world early in life, so by the time we’re exhausted and desperately seeking rest, our entire identity becomes mucked up in the struggle over what we deem as our lack of worthiness and aptitude to have any real meaning in our lives. This explains why the number one question that drives people to a spiritual path is about what their purpose is – and when they get on their spiritual path, many spend the majority of their time on this one question alone – seeking meaning and purpose.
We have been conditioned to believe that when there is stillness, we must be doing something wrong or more commonly, not ‘doing’ enough. We believe that we must be doing something in order to achieve something. What if we got it wrong? What if the man-made definitions of what is ‘bad’ vs ‘good’ or ‘positive’ vs ‘negative’ are incorrect? What if there was no duality at all and everything just ‘is as it is' without any type or degree of judgement at all? What would happen if we didn’t place any label on ‘empty space’ and just accepted and embraced it for what it is …. and even more daring to a Type A personality, what if you gave yourself permission to simply flow with whatever the Universe brings? What if the best and most meaningful of achievements actually come from doing nothing?
Don’t you like the feeling of relaxation; the feeling of napping in the shade on a hot summer day? Maybe it’s swinging on a hammock or even just embracing the feeling of your muscles being relaxed when you sleep in. For some it might be the rejuvenation felt after meditation or the clear minded effect of staring into a campfire. Whatever ‘it’ is for you, we all have those activities that if permission were granted, we would find our bliss; even if for moments at a time. For me it’s sitting in nature of any kind but especially in the thicket of the woods. It is my sanctuary where I receive the most wisdom filled inspiration – opportunities for growth, wisdom and balance that I could never have found juggling a 50+ work week.
Magic begins to sparkle in your life when you begin to realize that there has been something much bigger going on when these opportunities for a few minutes of rest have been popping up in your life. You might have missed the point that day when your car didn’t start, and you had to miss a day of work; or maybe you lost your keys and couldn’t go out to the party you had plans for. You see, it was in these moments that Spirit was trying to answer your prayers for inner peace and rest but your thoughts and belief system wouldn’t let you see it that way at the time – it’s programming had no reference point to resonate with yet.
There is a powerful knowingness that comes from identifying false beliefs that are standing in the way of your basic right to rest and inner peace. There is tremendous strength in staying committed to changing mind-conditioned habits and there is an unlimited level of support being given to you by Spirit in achieving this. You start by saying “YES” when the Universe gives you opportunities to take a few minutes away from your busy day. You say “YES” to having fun in your everyday life instead of waiting for that one-week vacation you have planned in a few months. You say “YES” to living and not just surviving but more importantly, you say “YES” to accepting the inner peace that has always been there within you as part of your innate nature as a Spirit.
If your struggling with false beliefs that are interfering with your inner peace, clarity of mind, growth, happiness and finding your purpose, Quantum Healing can help. The pathway to reunification with your Soul and Source is right beyond your conscious mind and this is magic of Quantum Healing!
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Copyright 2019 Christine Shanesy-Kooper. This article may be shared freely as long as it is presented completely and with all links included.